Art-making has become a tool to process the memories of my past and rediscover my identity, shaped by myself rather than the hatred I let affect me when I was young. Reviewing my photograph archive, the feelings attached come rushing back and resonate loudly. Like many people, my personal photos are mostly of happy memories, but even those often incite negative feelings. These actions led to me asking many questions about my relationship with my past. Why am I associating positive memories with pain? Why do I feel a sense of catharsis when I change or destroy photos? Why do I take photos just to store them in boxes for years? Through personal exploration, experimentation with digital and physical editing tools, and searching for people with similar stories, I have started to uncover answers.

How identities are formed is a central aspect of my work. I consider my own identity fractured and hidden, which was caused by a complicated childhood. Looking back, it became clear that being queer in central Maine led to trouble defining my own identity. The events that have defined who I am are captured in pictures and stories, and by altering these memories I can reform my identity. Photographs and memories lie, and abstracted photos can often display a truer representation. In any case, the changes I make to my own photos are able to better represent my identity.

As I alter the pictures, the resonances that have defined my identity change with them. Since I have control in reshaping the images, I have the power to redefine my identity. Mirrors have been a constant symbol in my work, representing the goal of becoming comfortable with the person looking back at me. Additionally, the science of light reflecting and refracting off of reflective surfaces symbolizes how I have tried to block certain things from affecting me which has often led to repression. 

Materials such as acrylic and glass both bounce light waves off of their surfaces and allow light to pass through, representing a barrier that is unable to fully protect. My experiments with reflective materials have led me to ask questions that in turn led to various paths of research. Working with identity, I felt the urge to understand how others in similar situations have dealt with self-discovery and finding community. All of the complex feelings that arose during experimentation led to an interest in the psychology of remembering and forgetting. The work I have been doing with reflective materiality made me realize how much I did not know about the materials I was working with and led to a desire to research the physical nature of reflection.

As I expand my artistic explorations, I hope to continue to learn, listen, and share my skills and experiences with others. I expect to never fully be able to understand myself or the world around me, but I find excitement and purpose in trying.